Category Archives: Our Interrupted Fairy Tale

The year I heard from Chad, twice.

Hi Chad,

It’s been a long time since I’ve lost my breath thinking about you. Sometimes, I look at photos of you and barely pause before flipping through. But tonight, I paused for longer. I looked at your eyes and I remembered how your love felt. Then my chest sinched like someone squeezed lemon juice on my heart. You still got it.

It’s been an interesting year. A great year. I’ve heard from you twice! At least, I was told it was you.

Those two chance encounters with a psychic were really crazy. For all the obvious reasons, you can understand why I’m skeptical. But for all other obvious reasons, I’m hoping she has a channel on you.

The first time we “spoke”, I wasn’t sure it was you. I don’t know the photo she was referring to when she said, “He hears you when you talk to him.” But even without a photo, I love the idea you can still hear me.

The second time you “stopped in,” I felt you there. I understand the room was busy, and it wasn’t the right place for us to talk directly, but this time, I knew it was you. I knew it was you because of what I asked, and what your answer was.

I think it’s funny you sent Jay to talk to me for you. I don’t know what this is like in the spirit/angel world, but it reminded me of high school when you send your buddy to talk to your crush on your behalf. What cute kindred-spirits you are!

I never met Jay, but I’m so happy the two of you are having a blast. I can imagine how happy you are to have each other up there because I know how happy you were to have him here. When Jay explained how you both spend your time golfing, chillin’ and listening to music – I could totally picture it! But riding horses??? I know you’re a prairie boy, but it still sounds funny. I suspect it’s on a beach – with hot spirit girls.

I know our time to talk (or tune in) was tight, so thank you for reassuring me both times that you’re happy for me. People have expressed similar comforts in the eight years you’ve been gone, but hearing it from you-ish feels better. I guess everything sounds better when it comes from the source.

I’m not sure if or when we’ll next have the chance to…communicate? talk? channel?…but I hope you know what you said has relaxed me. You’re somehow closer now than you have been for years, yet I don’t feel I need to hold on so tight. That is such a gift.

Come chat soon, ok? We’ve got so much to talk about, and I want to hear you again.

Love, Me.

Chad Warren & Megan Williams at Ambleside

The change.

Hi Chad,

I’m sorry I haven’t written you in so long.

I forgot it was today. I mean, I remembered a few days ago, but forgot again last night. For the past seven years, I have started the 28th off with a run – to chat it out, let a few tears go and start the day with friends. But today, I forgot and slept in.

Part of me feels like I should apologize. I’m sorry I didn’t go to bed thinking of the day you left, and didn’t wake up remembering our last day together.

The other part of me knows an apology isn’t needed. I think I forgot because I’m happy. I didn’t forget you of course, but I did forget to remember to be sad.

It might sound confusing, but forgetting to remember to be sad, actually made me happy.

This is what you wanted for me. This is what I promised you. I am ok. I am living my life and I am happy. We both understand that is not something to appologize for.

I’ve changed this past year. I don’t think of you every day anymore. Most days I do, just not every day. But now, I cry for you more. For years, I could speak about you with such ease. Now, I remember something about you, about us, and I have to pause and collect myself as my voice trails off. I don’t understand the change, but it’s noticeable.

Maybe the change is what Karen Burroughs pointed out after the wedding. “You have all this happiness and love in your life because of Chad. He’s to thank for so much of what you have now.”

It’s true. I’m really happy Chad, and you’re attached to that. I miss you, I’m happy without you, and I’m happy because of you. I can’t explain it further, because I don’t know if I really get it. I just love you and I feel your love in return. Still.

Chad and Megan on the Seawall

Thanks for listening to me ramble. Even with the changes, my rambling remains reliable.

Later dude.

Me. xo

What’s up with you?

I know, I know – I haven’t been blogging.

Frankly, something had to give. I keep feeding my time with projects, ideas I want to share and new work endeavors. My time belly is full.

BUT it’s time for a catch up. Here are seven answers to the question, “What’s up with you?”

1) Another Book Launch!

Don't Call The Office at Chapters Indigo

Remember that little book I talked about Madison and I writing a few months back? Well, we did it!

On August 20th, Don’t Call The Office is hit book shelves (yes, book shelves!) Bringing back all the love, excitement and jitters I had when I launched Our Interrupted Fairy Tale two years ago.

Together, Madison and I did radio, print and tv interviews here in Vancouver. Madison rocked the interviews and absorbed all the experience like a broadcasting-major sponge.

Read about our story and get yourself a copy here: https://meganwilliams.ca/books/dont-call-the-office/

Click here to see our Global BC Interview!

 

Don't Call The Office

2) The W Wedding

Do I love wedding planning? Not really. Do I love that there is going to be this super fun weekend next month with our close people there? Absolutely. Thank goodness for Mom, Adrienne and friends who are better planners than I am.

The best part so far? Dress shopping…and the celebrating. I know this must come as a surprise to you.

Megan Williams Wedding

3) Writing Workshops 

In June, I ran two “How to Write a Book” workshops.

With over 60 attendees between two sessions, I felt really good about how it went. I felt really, really good when I was invited to run a similar workshop at the Whistler Writers Festival, October 14, 2016.

I have a few other upcoming events like this, so if you’re interested, I suggest signing up for my newsletter to stay in the loop. Just enter your name & email – and you’re on the list!

How to write a book workshop

4) Racing

I didn’t have a great race season this spring. Actually, it wasn’t good at all. I missed all the times I was training for. I’ve been discouraged, and concequently not making my training a priority. Realistically, I won’t get back to racing until the new year, but when I do I’m planning to lace-up properly and take another crack at the 5 and 10kms.

In the meantime, there isn’t a morning seawall run that I don’t look forward to with friends I couldn’t manage going more than three days without seeing.

5) YouTube

I have started a YouTube channel! This makes me really nervous as it puts me further out of my comfort zone than writing does. I started the channel, because in doing my own research for writing, I couldn’t find any videos that answered my questions – quickly. So, I’ve decided to start filming the videos I couldn’t find – quick book marketing advice and writing tips for the modern writer.

Take a look! (It won’t take long – they’re all less than two minutes.) And if you supportively click the ‘subscribe‘ button, THANK YOU!

 

6) Self-publishing Coaching

With traditional publishers becoming less accessible, and the opportunity to self-publish increasing in popularity, I’ve started working with a few budding authors as they work towards launching their stories.

Holy shmoly do I love this.

I didn’t realize how much time I spent (and wasted) trying to navigate the self-publishing process by myself with Our Interrupted Fairy Tale. Now that I can share this information to help trim time off of the author’s processes, I’m thrilled everything I have learned has not been lost.

(If you know someone who is ready to share their story, tell them to email me: letstalk@meganwilliams.ca).

7) Three new places every year. 

I made it my new years resolution after Chad passed away to visit three new places every year. I’m happy to share, I’ve met my goal for 6 consecutive years.

Here are this year’s destinations.

Cabo San Lucas (April)

Megan Williams Author

New Orleans (May)

Megan Williams Wedding

Fishing, Denham Bay (July)

Denham Bay, British Columbia
South of France (August) 

Megan Williams Wedding

Well, that brings us up to speed for now! The fall is busy, but I plan to stay in better blog touch.

In the meantime, you’re not already, here are a few other ways we can stay in touch!

Sign up for my newsletter here! http://eepurl.com/caaTCP

Instagram @MeganDubs | Snapchat:MeganDubss | Facebook:MeganWilliamsAuthor

 

Questions from the 8 year old in my back seat.

Megan Williams - Prairie Studios Photography

When it happened, I didn’t really feel the heavy, yet uplifting significance of what she  said. But now as I sit down and write, my heart feels it – big time.

This weekend, Brad’s daughter, Madison and I were driving home after a hot afternoon on my Mom’s deck. Madi  finished reading me a book about fruit from the back seat (did you know the kernel of a peach pit is poisonous?) and asked to turn on some music.

I turned up whatever pop-club-mix was on the radio, loudly, and the chorus to Sweedish House Mafia’s song “Don’t you worry child” blasted through my car.

“Don’t you worry, don’t you worry child
See heaven’s got a plan for you
Don’t you worry, don’t you worry now”

The song continued and I hear her little voice ask from the back seat, “Megan, do you call Chad your ex-boyfriend?”

She and I have had a few good chats about Chad over the past year,  so I’m no longer totally caught off guard when she asks about him, or us.

“Good question! No. I don’t call him my ex-boyfriend. I either say that he’s my ‘late-boyfriend’ or my boyfriend who passed away.”

After I explained the usage of “late” she offered, “Yea, I’d use the first one. The “late” one…”

“Yea, I prefer that one too. Why do you ask Bunny?”

“Well, when this song came on I was wondering if Chad had a friend who was a singer and wrote a song for you and him. You know, that part about Heaven having a plan for you.”

Gulp.

“Oh I see! While he doesn’t have a friend who sang this song,  that’s a really nice idea!”

“Can you turn the music back up please?”

And that was the end of it.

My life with Madi, Brad, Chad and our families – the lines are all blended and blurred. There isn’t a place or time that I can define when the hurt, happiness and heartache has stopped or started.

But in a my quick conversation with the sweet 8 year old girl in my back seat, I’m reminded that all the blending and blurring is because of love.

Megan Williams + Pairie Studios Photography

5 to 7 – and the mic-drop monologue.

There are so many movies with great lines – some, after the moment I’ve heard it, I’ll comment “Godthatsagoodline” in one breath. Others I’ll need Brad or Adrienne (who I’ve watch majority of movies with) to remind me of “that great line she said right after they did that thing?”

But the end monologue of 5 to 7  caught me in such amood, tears welled in my eyes, and now has me pausing and repausing so I hear it all again.

I won’t bothering with movie context or summary points, nor will I explain the pieces that have got me all quivery lipped – this one speaks for itself.

I have a long time to consider the value of memory and the idea that just because something doesn’t last forever, doesn’t mean its worth is diminished. Maybe it was just a rationalization, easier on the soul than mourning what might have been a life unlived. I honestly don’t know.

But I chose to believe in memory. I chose to believe in her. I chose to believe that the bond was never broken and that we carry each other in our hearts as a security singularity. She made me a writer. She made me a man.

There may be other loves. Even great loves but she was right – only one remained perfect. And as a result, it never quite left me alone. I wondered if it remained perfect for her as well or if I was just holding on to an idea…some questions have to go unanswered.

I don’t know if I’ll ever see her again, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad one. But I will promise you this – your favourite story, whatever it might be – it was written, for one reader.

Thank you Mark and Coleen for suggesting this movie. I knocked out 1,000 words of Book #2 in 45 minutes immedietly after it finished.

5 to 7 (Photo from LA Weekly)

 

 

Book #2

I have been talking about it quietly with a few friends for nearly a year now.  I’ve kept it quiet, because I haven’t been sure if I’ve wanted to do it – and mostly out of fear.

I don’t know if it will be good enough, I don’t know if it will be interesting, or as well received as the first book. I don’t know if it will ever get read by anyone, or if it will ever be printed for anyone to open it’s cover and leave on their bookshelf.  But – I won’t know until I try.  And I’d rather that unknown than any of my other uncertain questions.

So here it goes….It’s started and I’m going for it.

Book#2 - Announcement

 

 

Not just another morning run.

I wanted it badly and I’ve been working to get it – and yesterday, I did! A nice, new, shiny Personal Best to feel good about.

1:33 – down from my last half marathon time of 1:37.

And it’s these three I’ve got to thank for it.

SuperKRun

SuperKRun: Karyn, Kevin, Megan & Michael – VanFirstHalf 2015

Kevin – I do not exaggerate when I say, he’s the the best coach I’ve ever had in any sport. I don’t need to elaborate on why, because it’s just an is.

Michael – he got me through the last three miles (5km’s), shaved off an extra two minutes from my finish line time and distracted me enough to stop me from crying.

Karyn, who has run along side of me since Chad was in the hospital for his bone marrow transplant – all the way to the last three miles of yesterdays race. She’s kept me on pace on our runs, and in my life.

(Please note: while we would like to think we looked this happy at the end of the race as we did here in the first mile, we did not. At all.)

Karyn Mitchell, Megan Williams at the Van First Half

I can get all emotional when I yammer on about what running has done for me, but I think Lisa captured it best in our interview last week.

“…for a brief moment, when you are breathing so hard, focused on completing the workout, only honesty can come out.”

Body Zone Fitness interview with Megan Williams

(And thanks Lisa, for getting me to articulate what is more than just “another morning run.” )

Gotta run!

Self Published —> Literary Agent!

Some of life’s coolest things happen when you’re working without anyone watching, not wondering if what you’re doing looks “photo worthy” – and THIS was one of those moments….

I am SO excited to finally share, after a year and a half of navigating my way through a self-publishing world very foreign to me, I have signed with a very fancy literary agent!!

Megan Williams, Author

Yaaayyyyyy!!!

And now we plan which = (more) work. 

Megan Williams, Author

 Let another chapter begin!

Dream Guy

After my last post and the passing comments I got from people – I felt I should write some sort of follow up.

I was nervous to hit “Publish” on that post. While it was/is all true, I still don’t know how I feel about it or how it would make the guy I was laying next to feel about it.

On Sunday, Brad and I were driving, and I asked him if he had any “Chad moments” recently – similar to what he’d had when he and I first started dating.

“No – not anymore. But I do think about him from time to time. Nothing in particular, I just think about him on my own sometimes.”

Then I started to cry. The tears came on so quick, I didn’t have time to run through my reliable tear-prevention tactics. A deep breath and then I told him.

“I had a dream about him the other night.”

I rambled as I tried to explain myself,  the dream – I don’t know why he came back, I don’t know why he was in my dream because I wasn’t thinking of him (more than usual). It’s messing with me. I love that it felt so real, but I feel guilty that I liked it.  “…and both of you were ok with it – and well, I dunno…” I trailed off,  flicking my tears, realizing if I couldn’t make sense of it, how was I supposed to explain it to Brad?

Big wet tears dropped off my cheeks as the tall, dark, handsome, occasionally wise and often confident guy beside me said –

“Megan – it’s ok. You know I don’t have any competition or jealousy with Chad. There isn’t any overlap between us and we know that….

…I mean, I like helicopters, and if I’m flying one in my dream, doesn’t mean that I was thinking about them that day, it’s just what happens. They’re dreams and dreams don’t always have to make sense.”

I let out a wet laugh – but before I could tease him about the helicopter analogy, he continued with something that would instantly lift a heaviness from my chest –

“If your dreams are a place where you can have your time with Chad, where you can feel like it’s real between you – then you should have that; enjoy it.”

I’m not sure if I can explain this the way I want to, but it somehow feels like I’ve been given permission – not by Brad, but from myself.

I feel like that one sentence has given me permission to love and dream without certainty – and that it’s all ok.

Brad&Megan

 

 

Dreams That Mess With Me.

I don’t event know why I’m writing this, because somewhere between my guilt,  total happiness,  disappointment and urge to cry, something feels like it needs to come out.

I woke up early this morning happy. Then as I was pulled in closer for a snuggle, I felt guilty. It’s happened before, and I’ve felt the same way. The best and worst part is, I can’t do anything about it.

Megan-Palm Springs

I dreamt of Chad. He came back. It turns out he was never gone. He just left for a while. I’m confused when I see him. I’m angry he didn’t try to get in touch sooner. Why didn’t you tell me you didn’t die? How long are you staying for? What are you doing here? He knows about my life now, but I know nothing about his. He knows I’ve fallen in love with Brad. He knows I have a life with him now. I feel rushed – I don’t know how much time I have to talk to him.

Brad also knows he’s back. He doesn’t say much, but lets me have the space I’m not sure I need, and the time with Chad I want.

I feel like I’m cheating. I feel I have to explain myself to both of them. But neither of them ask for an explanation. Both of them know, and both of them are ok with how I am.
I’ve spent the rest of the day thinking about it. There are no thoughts that have conclusion. There isn’t anything I know I can do about it … and as strange as it is…I don’t think I would.

Iy Iy Iy.